Lappy:: Describe a sunny day to a person who is born blind.

This was actually an assignement for my Creative Writing class a few years ago. I really want to keep this forever, which is why it is here. 

                I have a beautiful friend named Sal. She has beautiful brunette hair, fair skin and a pair of mesmerizing honey brown eyes. Every time I look at her I feel happy and sad at the same time. She always looks so cheerful and she always has this positive aura that whoever approaches her, will feel as happy as her. But it saddens me to know that despite having the beauty that she possesses naturally, she couldn’t see it for herself. She always asks me about the view from the top of our valley or what the park looks like during fall and winter. I know that it kills her little by little on the inside every time she hears people say “Oh it’s beautiful!!” when she couldn’t see a thing and  it kills me a little too every time she says “Oh I bet it’s very beautiful.”

One fine afternoon, she asked me to take her to the park. We always go there for walks or play on the swings or even just to sit quietly and enjoy each other’s silences. Suddenly, when we were walking over a bridge, she asked me,

“Billy, how is the weather today?” with a soft smile of her lips and her right little hand holding on to my arm.

“Well, it is sunny, Sal. Not the ‘oh, it’s very hot’ kinda sunny, but a picnic day kind of sunny.” I tried by best to explain to her simply. I didn’t want to make her all worked up thinking about what sunny days look like. But, the question didn’t stop there,

“Billy, I can’t see sunny day, I can’t feel the sunny day. I want to see, Billy. I’m tired of living in the darkness.” She said while holding her left hand out in motion of searching for something to be held or felt- in this case the sunny day. Her voice was really sad and I heard a little crack in it that I knew she was holding back tears.

“Sal, honey…” I took a deep breath and hugged her. She had been holding on for so long and this was the time for her loosen up her reigns.

“Sal, you don’t need eyes to enjoy a sunny day. You don’t have to have eyes to see beauty. It’s not your eyes that tell you about beauty, it’s your heart.” As I said that, her tears slowly fell and rolling down her cheeks.

“For example, a snowy day could just mean a white cold thing covering every inch of the surface- what’s the beauty in that? This is for someone that can see but doesn’t put in any meaning to what they see. They didn’t find beauty because they can’t see it with their heart. They only see it with their physical sight. ” I saw her nod as a sign that she had understood and wanted me to keep going.

“Sal, all you need to do is see things with your heart, feel. I can help you. Here.” I took her right hand and lead her to the side of the bridge. I put her hand on the bridge’s handle.

“You feel that? That’s the warmth of the sun.” I then pulled her to the field nearby the bridge.

“Come Sal, lie down next to me. Just relax.” She lied down next to me with her hands behind her head- she did looked relax.

“Do you feel the warmth of the sun on your skin?” I asked and she said,

“Yeah, it’s very relaxing. And the grass is so soft and warm, I feel like sleeping on a warm comfortable bed.” I said while smiling.

“Yeah, I agree. Now, do you smell that? It’s food- delicious food.” I said while doing a sniffing sound and she did the same too.

“Now can you hear that? Children are laughing and screaming playing with each other-”

“I bet they are on a picnic!” she said just before I could finish.

“Yes, you’re absolutely right. Now, can you feel their happiness?” I try to say that as softly as possible because I’m afraid that it would upset her thinking that she can’t see them being happy. But instead she said,

“Yes, I do. And it’s very contagious! I feel like running and playing with them too! ” She said with an upbeat voice. “Oh! I can hear birds chirping! How nice! ” She suddenly got up and run towards the middle of the field with her arms stretched out to her sides. When she ran, her hair flew hard like she was waving a brown flag tied on her head.

“Billy!!” I ran to her side and her hand caught my arm again.

“Sal…”

“I can see it Billy. And it’s beautiful!” She said with tears of happiness in her eyes. 

Lappy:: Diary of a Moth

I am nothing but a moth. In my short life, I never get to know my name. Maybe it’s because I don’t have one and there’s no one here to call me or talk to me or even ask my name. So, there’s no need for that trouble because there’s nobody here except me. Zero. None; I am all alone.

“You are not alone, I am here with you. Though we are apart, you’re always in my heart…,”

How I wish this to be true for me. I heard this song once from some random student’s MP3 player. Yes, I know songs. I know Michael Jackson. I am one clever moth. Clever- but lonely. Don’t be surprise, but I live in a library where it is so cold, quiet, big and interesting- just my kind of scene. I never actually knew how an insect like me could actually know and learn so much. Being a moth, I could fly everywhere and see almost everything and this is my way of learning. I observe almost every inch of this library from up-top to down-below and it is very entertaining and educational as well. Weird when the word ‘educational’ comes out from a moth’s mouth. But yes, it’s true. I love watching various modes and moods of the students. There are noisy students, sleepy students, and diligent students and then there are some hard-thinking students; now I don’t really understand this kind of students because they always stare into blank spaces, some even stare out the window. I only assume that they got a lot on their mind that all of the work and fun take place in their head; how chaotic.

I also love to listen to their talk, discussions, and gossips or even for those who listen to the MP3 so loud that I can hear the music miles away. It is sad to think that some people do not really care to mind what they say. I am an ordinary moth but even so, what people say is hurtful even when they’re not even talking about me. But I can feel the pain because these people, they really care a lot about looks and appearance. Materialism. Beautiful, handsome, rich; Cool. Ugly, poor; Loser. It is sad because I am an ugly moth. Compared to a butterfly, my colours are dull. If I were to fly in front of a group of people, I am practically invisible and nobody will notice me. But, for a butterfly, it will turn heads and there will be smiles, camera clicking and people would even chase it. I am a loser.

I am not trapped in this library. I choose to be in this library to alienate myself from all of the beauty outside. Truthfully said, I have inferiority complex. Here, I don’t have to compare myself between all of the butterflies out there and the beautiful flowers. I can be content with the belief that I am the only unique being here and I can do whatever I want. But on the other hand, I am lonely. I am confused and I am sad. Why can’t I be beautiful? Why can’t I mingle and have friends or be in a group like the students in this library? Am I that pathetic? Maybe I am similar to the lonely students studying in the library on their own. They look independent and comfortable and they survive. Maybe I’m like that as well? But I can’t say that. Those students look alone but that doesn’t mean that they’re lonely. It’s not fair for me to compare myself to them. I am just a moth. I am alone but sadly, I am lonely.

I fly around when I think. I fly around when I’m sad. I fly around when I feel lonely because I will try to find some crowded place so that I could busy myself with indulging in their discussions. There are a couple of times that I almost get slapped or get smashed by a book. I don’t know why but these humans hate me. I don’t know what their problem is. Do I smell? Am I too loud? I know this is a library, but I don’t think I made that much noise. Does my existence bother people? Even the humans don’t accept me. Maybe I shouldn’t care that much. I am better off alone.

I need to make a landing. Thinking too much – like now - is not really good for me, I could fall into depression if I keep this up. Wait, that looks interesting. I have never seen this book before. There are a lot of colours and images. Very interesting! Wait, I have seen this, this looks like a—no, these are organs. Human organs I think. I‘ve seen these before. There are a lot of science students studying here. This is beautiful, the paper is nice too; smooth and it’s cold. I could lay here and sleep all day if I want too but – Hey!—why has it gotten dark? Who closed the drapes? Oh wait a minute, NO! Wait!! I have to fly--

Lappy:: Sally #1

She closes her eyes as the wind blows through her hair. she feels like she's flying as she spread her arms out to her sides. She smiles and finally opens her eyes. The sun is setting and she sits down quietly. Just enjoying the silence and the beautiful sunset like there is no care in the world. "Wouldn't it be nice to do this everyday?" she thought.

"Sally!!! Come down this instant!! Whatchu doing up there? you crazy?!" An annoying voice calls for her and with a heavy heart, she climbs down the roof through the attic. It's the second time that she was caught by Sam, her little sister. A little bossy for a 'little'  sister huh? She better keep a look out and stay away from the roof for a little while or she is sure that Sam is going to tell on her.

Sally walks to her bedroom, shuts the door and begin to sketch right away. She is a very talented artist. Or at least she hoped to be. She just loves to draw. anything that she sees or that she likes- what ever that inspires her, she will draw. No matter how it turned out to be, she will be happy and content by it. It is very rare to see this kind of attitude from other people because people nowadays always look and expect too much from the final result and not the process or the love and passion for it. It's such a pity. That is why Sally only draws and keep her drawing in her own private room. It is her own world and that is where she can truly be herself and be happy to express. She feels that the world is cruel and unjust. But then, she had a glimpse of hope that it isn't all true. There is beauty in the world.

Lappy:: Mungkin boleh.

Petang ini dia berjalan lagi. Geraknya perlahan dan kepalanya tertunduk. Aku, seperti biasa, tepat pada pukul empat petang akan terpacak di atas balkoni rumah ini. Semata-mata untuk melihat dia. Dia yang aneh. Dia yang misteri. Dia yang penuh tanda tanya. Dia yang penuh derita gamaknya. Dia yang sangat menarik perhatian aku.

Aku selalu bayangkan satu situasi dimana aku akan buat-buat baca buku sambil berjalan dan dengan sengaja nya buat tidak sengaja melanggar dia. Dengan itu, mungkin kami akan berkenalan dan mulakan sesuatu yang baru. ATAU, atau, mungkin, mungkin aku akan terus pergi kepada dia dan memberikan satu senyuman manis dan belanja dia makan aiskrim? 

Lebih senang untuk aku terus berangan seperti ini dari memalukan diri sendiri. Tetapi, tetapi sesungguhnya dia sangat misteri. Sesungguhnya dia sangat menarik hati.

Keesokan harinya aku berasa hampa kerana setelah pun pukul lima, kelibat dia masih tidak kelihatan. Tetapi aku tetap menunggu. Selepas tiga hari aku tetap menunggu. Pelik. Aneh. Aku dah jadi 'stalker'.

Walaupun telah lima hari tidak nampak banyangan dia yang misteri itu, aku tetap kaluar ke balkoni tepat pukul empat petang-- kerana kebiasaan. Tetapi daripada mencari kelibat dia, aku belajar semula untuk melihat keindahan taman dihadapan rumah aku. Aku rasakan kenikmatan angin yang bertiup sepoi-sepoi bahasa. Aku melihat langit yang membiru dan melihat burung-burung berterbangan. Aku teringat kembali sebab sebenar aku keluar ke balkoni itu. Aku rasa kehilangan dan rasa malu. Tidak sangka aku begitu  leka dan obses melihat satu keindahan sehinggakan aku lupa tentang keindahan yang lagi gah.

Aku rasa gembira kerana aku kembali rasa tenang. Aku tahu tujuan aku dan aku tahu apa yang aku mahu. Ciptaan yang maha Esa yang indah dan menenangkan ini telah mengajar aku untuk bersyukur, cara ini atau  yang lain. Memang rezeki aku gamaknya.

Aku mula untuk keluar dan menyeberangi jalan. Setelah sekian lama, aku akhirnya jejak semula kaki ke taman itu. Aku berjalan, aku berfikir, aku melihat, aku menikmati, aku menghirup udara segar. Waahhh.. sesungguhnya aku telah lupa. 

Hilaian tawa kanak-kanak membuat aku berfikir kembali tentang zaman kanak-kanak aku. Kami  sekawan berlari dan ketawa, kami jatuh dan terus ketawa. Zaman mengenal dunia tanpa kesedihan. Begitu manis sekali. Aku ketawa kecil dan *TTTAAAANNNGGG!!*

 "Aduuhhh!!!!" 

Arrgghh,, sakitnya kepala aku. Dalam keadaan terduduk aku mengaduh. Kepala aku terasa sakit sangat.

Dengan perlahan aku cuba untuk bangun dan menstabilkan diri....

"Awak tak apa-apa ke?"

Sebujur wajah yang sangat aku kenali berada betul-betul dihadapan mataku. Si dia yang misteri! Si dia yang menarik hati! Wah, jantung aku!!

"Apa yang awak fikirkan tu sampai tiang lampu pun tak nampak?" 

Tanya dia lagi. Mukanya yang kelihatan seperti menahan tawa aku tenung. Hamboi, terkelu terus lidah aku.

"Err.. haha. Awak nampak ke?" 

Aduh, segannya aku. 

"Susah untuk tak nampak, tetapi selalunya awak berdiri di atas balkoni tu je. Dah lama awak tak jalan-jalan kat taman ni. Rindu eh?" 

Begitu yakin dia keluarkan pernyataan. Kejap! apa dia kata? Mana dia tahu? Selama ni dia tengok aku jugak ke? Apakah semua ini? 

Aku terdiam lagi.

"Awak okay tak ni? macam weng-weng je saya tengok" 

Dia yang misteri itu ketawa. Wah, manis nya. Baik nya.

"Okay, okay, saya okay. Terima kasih"

Dengan janggalnya aku mengangguk-anggukkan kepala. Apa aku nak buat ni, aku dah lama 'plan' benda macam ni, tapi bila dah betul-betul jadi, aku gagap pulak. Cuak pula aku rasa. Aku terasa muka aku mula panas.

"Bagus lah awak okay. Kuat jugak awak terhantuk tadi. Jom lah, saya belanja awak aiskrim kat sana tu"
Sekuntum senyuman diberikan kepada aku. Tanpa aku sedari, aku juga tersenyum dan menganggukkan kepala.

Heemm.. satu permulaan yang baru.

Memang rezeki aku gamaknya.

SOME LOVE YAAAWWW:
Assalamualaikum. Hai, lama kan tak jenguk blog ni kan?
Aku rasa aku  tak perlu kot untuk terangkan pasal cerita ni, semua dah besar dan dah pandai untuk berfikir. Bacalah, fikirlah sendiri apakah maksud disebalik cerita ini. Setiap orang mempunyai pendapat masing-masing dan tiada yang betul dan salah disini.

Thought:: 2

If we don't imagine, what will make our dream?
If we don't dream, what will make our future?
If we don't hope, will we have a future?

does that make sense?

Thought:: 1

No matter how far you will go or how far you've come, there will always be someone to turn to. The thing is, you don't have to do everything on your own.

LittleGreenNoteBook:: Please be kind

Dear rainbow
please be kind
don't fade away
don't make me wait for another rain
and the sun to yet shine again

Dear wind
please be kind
don't blow my time away
I'm yet to use them someday
just to relive those days

Dear little heart
please be kind
don't cry don't shatter
make neither sound nor whisper
surely they would hear you
even when you are silent

Dear people
please be kind
smile even when the rainbow leaves you in black and white
do something- anything even if seconds is all you have
speak up when you can- don't let your heart suffer when it has yet so much to offer

Dear people
Please be kind

LittleGreenNoteBook::Teruskan Lagi

Di dalam diam aku petik gitar--

bunyi nya hambar

mencari kata dan irama

semuanya tidak seiring

semuanya tidak sama

terasa hilang

gundah gulana

ke sana ke mari aku cuba mencari erti

apa yang aku ragui aku diamkan saja

sedapkan hati

Terus diam dan teruskan lagi

hidup harus diteruskan

walau alunan musika berlainan genre

makna nya tetap sama

cuma berlainan rasa

Mari gubah lagu sekarang dan akan datang

melainkan memegang lagu yang melodi nya suatu ketika dahulu

dan menarik kita jatuh tidak berdiri lagi.

SOME LOVE: Dimana kau melihat seseorang itu kuat dan tabah, ada sesuatu yang telah menjadikan dia jatuh dan menyebabkan dia untuk bangun semula dengan kekuatan yang ada dan teruskan tanpa menyesal apa apa. waaahhh,,, panjang nya! apa entah yang dibebelkan? :P

Baiklah, entri kali ini di catatkan dalam bahasa Melayu, maaf jika ini melanggar peraturan Incerto--(ada ke? hmm.. :/) haha.

THE BREAK DOWN!!!: Nukilan ini adalah hasil dari tamatnya hidup sebagai pelajar Asasi Tesl di UiTM. Ramai yang meluahkan rasa sedih, rindu dan sebagainya kepada rakan rakan mereka. Aku agak tawar hati kerana tak berapa gemar nak fikir banyak banyak tentang perkara ni. Sebab kita secara tak sengaja akan terasa dan terfikir jugak pasal benda ni dan tak guna untuk 'make a big deal out of it' sebab ia tidak akan mengubahkan apa apa.

Sekarang sudah terasa lain. apa yang kita buat semua rasa lain. 'Things are changing and it won't be the same' perasaan pun berubah, orang berubah. mungkin dengan mengetahui tentang fakta ini orang menjadi takut dengan kehilangan kenangan indah yang dulu. tapi jika kita melayan perasaan ini dan terlalu kerap berfikir tentang nya, bila kita nak hidup? bila mahu gerak ke hadapan jika berpegang pada yang silam?

Jadi, bukalah mata pada yang sekarang dan yang akan datang- tapi tak bermakna yang lepas itu dilepaskan. Hanya simpan di dalam hati- menjadi pangalaman yang indah untuk kita dan belajar dari nya :)

LittleGreenNoteBook:: It's not over yet

Hello there friend

Why do you look so sad?

Have the world got you down?

Well cheer up now, I'm here, put your chin up.

Why dear friend?

Why are you crying?

Don't be like that now, it's not over yet

We still have the night to spend, don't ruin it all.

I'm sorry friend, truly I am
I never meant to hurt you like I did
Is it possible for me to be forgiven?
For my mistakes, my misunderstandings and our little tears
Let's put it behind us, there's a lot more to be happy for.

Thank you friend thank you

For the smiles, the laughs, the hugs, the kisses

Ohh should I list them all?

Your wise words, your lending ears have saved me

Thank you friend thank you

For the memories.


SOME LOVE: Hey y'all!! take that frown off your face, it'll make you look sexier. Aha! This is a poem for my big dinner that's coming up. I intend to perform this to all of my friends and show them how much they mean to me. Well, hope it goes well. Peace!:)