“You are not
alone, I am here with you. Though we are apart, you’re always in my
heart…,”
How I wish this to
be true for me. I heard this song once from some random student’s
MP3 player. Yes, I know songs. I know Michael Jackson. I am one
clever moth. Clever- but lonely. Don’t be surprise, but I live in
a library where it is so cold, quiet, big and interesting- just my
kind of scene. I never actually knew how an insect like me could
actually know and learn so much. Being a moth, I could fly everywhere
and see almost everything and this is my way of learning. I observe
almost every inch of this library from up-top to down-below and it is
very entertaining and educational as well. Weird when the word
‘educational’ comes out from a moth’s mouth. But yes, it’s
true. I love watching various modes and moods of the students. There
are noisy students, sleepy students, and diligent students and then
there are some hard-thinking students; now I don’t really
understand this kind of students because they always stare into blank
spaces, some even stare out the window. I only assume that they got a
lot on their mind that all of the work and fun take place in their
head; how chaotic.
I also love to
listen to their talk, discussions, and gossips or even for those who
listen to the MP3 so loud that I can hear the music miles away. It is
sad to think that some people do not really care to mind what they
say. I am an ordinary moth but even so, what people say is hurtful
even when they’re not even talking about me. But I can feel the
pain because these people, they really care a lot about looks and
appearance. Materialism. Beautiful, handsome, rich; Cool. Ugly, poor;
Loser. It is sad because I am an ugly moth. Compared to a butterfly,
my colours are dull. If I were to fly in front of a group of people,
I am practically invisible and nobody will notice me. But, for a
butterfly, it will turn heads and there will be smiles, camera
clicking and people would even chase it. I am a loser.
I am not trapped
in this library. I choose to be in this library to alienate myself
from all of the beauty outside. Truthfully said, I have inferiority
complex. Here, I don’t have to compare myself between all of the
butterflies out there and the beautiful flowers. I can be content
with the belief that I am the only unique being here and I can do
whatever I want. But on the other hand, I am lonely. I am confused
and I am sad. Why can’t I be beautiful? Why can’t I mingle and
have friends or be in a group like the students in this library? Am I
that pathetic? Maybe I am similar to the lonely students studying in
the library on their own. They look independent and comfortable and
they survive. Maybe I’m like that as well? But I can’t say that.
Those students look alone but that doesn’t mean that they’re
lonely. It’s not fair for me to compare myself to them. I am just a
moth. I am alone but sadly, I am lonely.
I fly around when
I think. I fly around when I’m sad. I fly around when I feel lonely
because I will try to find some crowded place so that I could busy
myself with indulging in their discussions. There are a couple of
times that I almost get slapped or get smashed by a book. I don’t
know why but these humans hate me. I don’t know what their problem
is. Do I smell? Am I too loud? I know this is a library, but I don’t
think I made that much noise. Does my existence bother people? Even
the humans don’t accept me. Maybe I shouldn’t care that much. I
am better off alone.
I need to make a
landing. Thinking too much – like now - is not really good for me,
I could fall into depression if I keep this up. Wait, that looks
interesting. I have never seen this book before. There are a lot of
colours and images. Very interesting! Wait, I have seen this, this
looks like a—no, these are organs. Human organs I think. I‘ve
seen these before. There are a lot of science students studying here.
This is beautiful, the paper is nice too; smooth and it’s cold. I
could lay here and sleep all day if I want too but – Hey!—why has
it gotten dark? Who closed the drapes? Oh wait a minute, NO! Wait!! I
have to fly--
